The Journey – My Calling

Learning To Live Being Hipless But Not Hopeless, by Toby Miller

While doing a bike-a-thon in 1975 I was hit by a car and thrown to the pavement at the tender age of fifteen. Shortly afterward, a rare form of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis began to ravage my body.  Around 1982 as a result of unsuccessful hip replacement surgeries, doctors were forced to surgically remove my hip joints, which eventually left me wheelchair bound in 1984.  

Doctors said I would never walk again, but I had this intense desire to prove them wrong.  During this time I struggled with wanting to walk in order to be like everyone else.  I thought “if I wasn’t walking how could I possibly make a difference in this world?”.  Most people that I saw help others, did it with their physical bodies.  I knew it would be nearly impossible for me so how would I help others or myself?  I spent endless months in rehabilitation hospitals learning how to walk on a walker, crutches, and even canes, but to no avail. 

I was angry at life and God for letting this happen to me that no matter what, I was going to walk (I didn’t even recognize the fact that maybe God might use me from a wheelchair).  I wanted to walk so bad that I spent every ounce of my physical and emotional energies to prove them wrong.  The emotional and physical strains took their toll.  I felt all alone and eventually spiraled into a deep depression.

The one thing I didn’t realize through all my attempts at therapy and pain management was Rheumatoid Arthritis was a “wear and tear” disease.  What this basically means is the more you use your joints the quicker you loose them.  Unaware and not having the capability to accept what I was-‘hipless’-I fought until 1992 to walk.   

The following items are excerpts from my experiences of Christian service in the beautiful nation of Kenya.  Kenya is on the eastern coast of the African continent, smack dab on the equator.  It's people are rich and diverse, enjoying the simple life free from the troubles that the Western culture endures due to our frenzied lifestyle.  However, the simple life doesn't come without its own price tag.  I pray you will be moved to conviction by the experiences that the Lord has entrusted me to chronicle; so others may learn of the great need and prayerfully respond as the Lord leads.

God's Faithfulness

Found in a man named Fred.

December 14, 2002

FROM SELF-CENTERED TO OTHER CENTERED

Can this apply to all of us?

December 22, 2002

As we get ready to celebrate His birthday, I greet you with the love of Jesus Christ.  I pray this letter finds you blessed.  God continues to be faithful as I serve Him in Kenya. 

This week God has been teaching me about selfishness and self-centeredness.  As I'm serving God I'm seeing so many needs for His children.  Then all of a sudden, I'm hit with the reality neither Rick or I have any income - "how can I help these children?"  I'm faithfully reminded how our Lord's first thoughts were never of Himself, and He alone can help us love as He loved, and help us give as He gave His only son, Jesus Christ!  Even when Jesus faced crucifixion His thoughts were of forgiveness for the others who were crucifying Him. 

God has shown me that selfishness arises out of insecurity - the feeling we have nothing to give away.  At times I feel like I have nothing to give physically, I can’t do dishes, I can’t play basketball with the kids but I can give them love.  As I’m learning, only a close and ongoing relationship with Christ can overcome our normal self-interest and move us from self-centeredness to other centeredness.  So as I write, please pray that I can remember others that are in need and be a servant of Christ to them.

This week I would ask for prayer.  On Monday, December 23rd, we will take a five-hour drive to the girl’s school at Oloitoktok (LTK).  LTK is seated at the foot of Mt. Kilimanjaro  (LTK is a small Massai village located in Amboselli Safari Park).  We will have Christmas with the kids and staff.  I will be in LTK with no email plus the phone lines are down temporarily.  Please bear with me if you don't hear from me for a while.  I will drive back to Nairobi on Dec. 28th.  Then on Sunday Dec. 29th, God willing I will fly to Mombassa (Mombassa is the city where terrorists recently fired a shoulder-launched missile at an Israeli Airliner.  The Lord did not allow this missile to hit its target).  Yes, I said fly-this is the quickest way for someone in a wheelchair.  Otherwise it could take nine to twelve hours on an unpaved road, with mud and lots of bumps.  I know what your thinking-God will take care of us, even in the air!

Nairobi Chapel Church

Using Authority To Lead Others.

December 20, 2002 

Upon my driving down the highway in Nairobi I'm immediately reminded of the smell of sewage amongst all the beautiful greenery.  The contrast is quite disturbing, because along with the picturesque beauty comes the unashamed looks of street children sniffing glue, and the worn out people who walk the streets of Kenya to go to and fro.  You can always smell the maize (corn on the cob) that is being grilled along the side of the roads almost at every corner.  Though there is much poverty, it is incredibly breath taking just to see what God has created here in Kenya.

Today as I'm getting ready to fellowship at Nairobi Chapel Church, come along and join in on my daily ritual.  On Sundays, Rose, (who is a sweet and faithful servant of the Lord who has been hosting me and always been there for me) our day begins quite early.  Our day starts at 7 a.m.  Because we don't have running water, I can't just jump in the shower.  Rose goes to the kitchen and scoops water out of a big black barrel.  Then she puts the water into a sufarea (pan), and heats up the water on a parafin-stove (like small gas grill), which sits on the middle of her kitchen floor. Once the water is ready, then Rosy empties the water into two bowls that sit on small tables, so I can sit on the edge of my bed as I take a sponge bath.  When I first thought of bathing like this, I thought, "Is this going to work-there’s not enough water?  Yes it works just fine."  Though this is not my regular routine in the states, I'm thankful we have water.  In Kenya more than 50 percent of the people have to go and hunt for water.  They spend many hours of their days walking miles, in hopes of finding some big rain puddles, or somewhere they can get and bring water to their families. 

Now that I’m clean on the outside, let’s go to Nairobi Chapel and get clean on the inside.  Last week when I entered the church it was very crowded.  I never noticed anyone sitting in a wheelchair.  The church doesn't have comfortable pews; everyone sits on hard, wooden benches without any back support.  So when I'm rolled into the church I'm the only one entering in a wheelchair and also a munzugu (white person).   Though there are some white people, but none in a wheelchair.  As Rosy pushes me into the church, we just barely make it past everyone's toes though we ran over a couple of them.  Nairobi Chapel is not handicap accessible, so the rows are quite narrow.  Because the benches are so packed, I always try to sit way in the back.  It does make it difficult to see the words for music on the wall during praise, but at least I'm not in anyone's way.  Well last Sunday as we headed to the back of the church there was no room for my wheelchair.  I had Rosy push me outside on the porch to hear the sermon.  A window and wall separate you from seeing inside the church - but at least you can hear the sermon.  Each service begins with thirty minutes of praising our God and King.  The Kenyans really know how to dance and sing-I just wanted to get up and dance with them.  And at the end of year the members of the church take time to encourage the others who have served along side them throughout the year. I thought this was very precious!

For the last two weeks Pastor Oscar, from Nairobi Chapel, has been preaching on "CROSSROADS DURING ELECTIONS".  But today's sermon was on the moral fiber that has been eroded in Kenya - especially due to the mass media from the west.  When we see something that is morally wrong we need to speak up.  At the end of the sermon he suggested we should put together a decency commission - whose sole intent would be to meet with government officials to express our concerns.  The other suggestion is our children need to be taught about such moral customs in school.  Otherwise the moral vacuum that is growing in our society will continue to run rampant?  To me I thank God for Pastor Oscar - in so many ways reminds me of our Pastor, Peter Spencer at Harvest Fellowship Community Church in San Antonio, Texas, who is not ashamed to preach the truth.

Amazingly after the service I had the pleasure of meeting Pastor Oscar.  I introduced myself to him and thanked him for the wonderfully insightful sermon he gave on POWER.  We can either use our power in a corrupt or corrosive way to manipulate people to do things, or we can use POWER as Christians to be above the law.  You can persuade others to help, without using coercive power - by using authority to lead others!  

After that, Pastor Oscar mentioned he noticed me being pushed outside and it bothered him that I had to sit outside.  He said he did notice and apologized to me.  I said thank you for noticing.  I also told Pastor Oscar that I noticed Nairobi Chapel is getting ready to purchase new land and a build a new church-I asked if they were going to put ramps in?  Pastor stated they don't know about such things.  He asked me if I could help with making their church handicap accessible.  Of course I said it would be my pleasure.  So we will meet sometime in January.  Please pray for me that God would give me wisdom on how to build handicap ramps for a three-story building.  If anyone who reads this would could so some research on the internet and how to build ramps for buildings, please email it to me at this address:  info@wheelsoflove.com.  I would ask any support and information you can get to me on this matter would be of great help.

After church Rosy took me to Agape Fellowship Center.  Where I met with Pastor Soy.  Pastor Soy is also in the process of building a new church, and would like to meet with me about implementing handicap awareness in his church.  Also, he is in desperate need of wheelchairs for members in his church.  Pray that as I go to Mombassa that God will direct my path as I meet with the company that is making them in Kenya.  We still have not found a hotel to stay in.  Because of the holidays the hotels are costing around $100.00 US per night - can you imagine that?  Also, because of the recent bombing the rates have gone up DOUBLE! (What’s wrong with this picture?)

His Refreshing Water

Sometimes when I’m thirsting all I want is you,

When I get lonely only your love will do.

Sometimes when I just can’t go on,

Your refreshing water keeps me strong.

Then when I drink from your cup,

I’m reminded how much you gave up.

By Toby Miller

MOMBASSA

Serving on a picturesque island surrounded by a sea of poverty.

January 2, 2003

I greet you with God's faithfulness. I hope you rang in a wonderful New Year. I'm celebrating the New Year in Mombassa.  Mombassa is an island in Kenya with only three ways to enter and three ways to depart. The first entry is West, which you drive or fly into. The second entry is the South Coast-which you have to use the ferry to cross and the third is the North Coast, which has a bridge.

After departing the airport we drove forty-minutes through the city. The streets were riddled with trash, just thrown everywhere, like no one cared. There where no trash cans, the street was the can. Many Kenyans were tending their Kiosks (shops), selling fruits and vegetables to make some kind of a living. Every time our car stopped, I heard, excuse me madam; "would you like a necklace, or fruit"? I would reply no thank you and it was ok. In Nairobi people can sometimes be very rude and try and force you to buy their items. In Mombasa the majority of people are friendly but not pushy.

As we left the airport I was thanking God for allowing me to be able to come and meet with Matthew Likindu. Matthew is going to show us how we can make wheelchairs in Kenya.  One thing that is very frustrating when you plan a meeting in Africa with somebody-it doesn't always work out. In a minute I will explain.

We continued our hour-and-a-half drive in the hot pounding sun. It was so hot and humid that I thought it was raining cats and dogs "ONLY" on me!  By the time we had reached the entrance into the South Coast of Mombassa, I wished I could have just changed my clothes, I was wet and smelly-not a good thing. As we were driving we ran out of road and you could see a ferryboat from a distance.  In order to get to the South Coast you have to wait for a ferry to transport you. 

All vehicles enter the ferry first and then all the people walk on. There were literally hundreds of people who boarded the ferry and about thirty cars. When I asked why there wasn't a bridge the taxi driver Thomas said they just didn't have the finances. The good news is the ferry runs twenty-four hours a day seven days a week-what a task for the people who have to make sure everyone arrives to their destinations.  As we drove off the ferry we drove to the beach area. I didn't know this, but Mombasa is a tourist attraction. Because it is also the holiday season it is very expensive. Because the prices were just outrageous we only spent two nights in the South Coast. I have to say it is quite nice.  I saw camels walk up and down the beach. One could ride them if they were courageous enough and had the funds.

You basically could do all the things you wanted to if you were at the beach in Texas-but I wasn't called to do anything except to find out how do we make these manual wheelchairs.  So it was hard for me to stay amidst all this luxury when I knew about one hundred miles away people were starving-so we left on Tuesday.

Tuesday we found a room available in North Coast Mombasa, the third entry into Mombasa. So we hired a taxi and drove a couple hours back through the ferry and across a bridge to enter the North Coast. It took twenty-five minutes to cross on the ferry, whereas it only took five minutes to cross the bridge, big difference. This convenience was most definitely welcomed by me-Mum Toby!

I will continue about the meeting with Matthew. December 27th, was elections day in Kenya-which also was my 41st birthday. For the first time in oven ten years people went and voted without any bloodshed says Rosy.  Christians were praying and fasting, asking God for a calm environment and non-violent atmosphere. Power changed hands from President Moi to the new President Mwai Kibaki, swiftly, smoothly and peacefully. In the past Rosy said, during elections some people have been killed or a lot of blood was shed. This time it was a miracle - nothing!  A couple weeks earlier the new President Kabiki was injured in a car accident. He broke a bone in his right foot, and that left him in a cast and bound to a wheelchair temporarily.  I prayed that God would use the President’s disability to enlighten him on the struggles of the disabled people, who can’t even afford a wheelchair.  As Kibaki takes over the Presidency of Kenya pray that God would give him wisdom and discernment to make the right decisions for Kenyans. Corruption has eaten away the moral fiber of Kenya. The Kenyans have asked President Kabaki, "LEAD THIS NATION OUT OF THE PRESENT WILDERNESS AND MALAISE ON TO THE PROMISED LAND" KIBAKI RESPONDED, " I SHALL"! Kibaki received a standing ovation at Uhuru Park during his inauguration.

ANSWERED PRAYER

Even when death seems so near.

January20, 2003

As I write know the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, has set aside this season for His children!  I pray as the New Year has begun you’re filled with great hope and anticipation for the exciting things God has in store for His Children.  I’m writing you from the glorious view of Mt. Kilimanjaro settled in the beautiful Massai country of Oloitoktok (LTK)-border of Kenya and Tanzania.

Much has been happening since my last letter and I know you would treasure this update.  Even though I’m struggling with health problems I want to keep you abreast of the current situation here at LTK. 

This past Saturday evening, January 18, 2003 was a day of many long and emotionally tiresome meetings.  As night drew near I was planning on a long night’s sleep-in my comfortable bed.  Instead I spent most of the night in the emergency room as one of our girls, we will call Susan (this is not here real name) had fainted. As the teachers and I rushed to see what all the commotion was about I could see that Susan was not well.  After putting a mattress under her I felt her head was burning up.  We had little time to act.  Here in LTK without a vehicle things move quite slowly.  It’s now way after nine in the evening-so Teacher Ernest has run to the local police station to fetch a vehicle.  God is so good-a truck arrived fifteen minutes later.  Susan was insisting she didn’t want to go to the hospital.  Because of my vast experience with hospitals and suffering I thought I’d go to comfort her. 

When I arrived at the hospital I had no idea of what to expect.  Except, a lot of the girls just didn’t want to go.  There was a doctor on duty, or I thought he was a doctor.  I found out the next day he was a certified clinician.  His opinion was Susan might have malaria, and due to her 103-degree temperature (which later reached 106) she needed to be admitted. 

As we were being pushed to the women’s wing, the doctor swung open the door and an overwhelming smell of death had consumed me.  I felt instantly faint and a sea of nausea came over me.  I was appalled at the condition of the environment.  The walls were covered with dried blood and other body fluids; that I don’t even want to know what they were.  Each room had six beds-three to the left three to the right-but no doors to give patients any privacy.  Above each bed hung a mosquito net to prevent malaria-the only problem many of the nets had wholes as big as my fist.  The wing had windows but no proper ventilation system.  As I wheeled by each room I listened to horrifying screams of people dying or wishing they were dead. 

As each person coughed or cried I held back my concerns and fears and prayed for strength while I spoke with the doctor. The doctor said he would administer a finger prick test that would show the level of malaria she had.  The test confirmed she was at “high risk” and needed an immediate set of injections.  The little bit I knew about Malaria was enough to scare even me, because I know it could kill her or anyone for that matter.  They also gave her an injection for pain.  The only narcotic they could give for pain was diazepam-which is a mild tranquillizer used to treat anxiety and nervous tension. I was in shock; they didn’t even have Tylenol or aspirin, nevertheless Demerol.  My heart sank as I realized this was the best public hospital we could bring her to. 

As my concerns grew deep I prayed, “please God I can’t leave Susan alone; give me the strength to stay overnight with her”.  I also prayed the medicine they gave her would help quickly.  It seemed as the though the hours took years to pass by.  It’s now almost close to midnight and while wiping Susan’s head I felt her temperature had gone up.  The nurse on duty took her temperature.  It was now 106 degrees.

Amidst all the tossing and turning Susan opened her eyes and said, “Mom, am I going to die?”  I replied, “God is not finished with you and as far as I know - you’re not dying.”  I could only console her by holding her hand and wiping her forehead throughout the night and praying for God to spare her life.  As I sat in my wheelchair next to Susan’s bed, a young woman came over.  She said please don’t cry she will be all right.  Then this slim young woman came closer and said again please don’t cry, don’t worry she will be all right, she’s not dying she’s just sleeping.  I thanked her and bowed my head and closed my eyes to continue praying.  As I lifted my head to say thank you to the petite young Massai woman-I could not find her.  I pushed my wheelchair backwards and went to each bed one by one hoping to find her-although I never did.  (It wasn’t until days later I realized God had answered my prayer, Susan was going to live!)

It’s now almost five in the early morning hours.  I just felt Susan’s head and realized the medicine had worked, another prayer answered.  Her fever was now over with.  It was just at that moment an overwhelming sense of nausea came over me-my job was finished, but how do I get home now that I’m sick?  I pushed myself through the doors and ran for an open door and just threw up.  I found one of the matron’s from our HCI-K orphanage, which had escorted another young girl in the night to the hospital.  I asked the matron please get Teacher Ernest quickly - I’m sick. Within the next thirty minutes I prayed for strength and endurance to make it back to the compound.  Teacher Ernest had arrived with four of my girls.  There were no vehicles to push me back, except the manpower of four girls’ strong arms.  As they pushed the chair I tried to muster up the strength to help them.  Because I was feeling weak I felt like passing out-all I could do was pray.  We made it back to the compound in about thirty minutes.  I stripped off all my clothes and literally crawled into my bed.  I asked the girls to wash my clothes.  I found out a couple days later after two washings the smell still remained, so I had my clothes burnt.  Though I have spent the last nine days struggling with vomiting, headaches and constant runny bowels the memory and the smell of death that filled the dirty halls of this hospital – will be a forever reminder of the night God answered prayers and spared Susan’s life!

Even Thorns Can Bless You

God Teaches Me The Value of Thorns.

February 8, 2003

  As I write to you know The God we serve is faithful in ALL things.  After sixteen days of my body wracked with pain, it's been hard to be grateful.  But at the same time God is reminding me, that when I am weak He will be strong.  As a believer, I am grateful that through these experiences God is accomplishing what is best for me.  Even through my suffering, I know He is working for my good.  If you read Romans 8:28 it will be easy to remember we are blessed!  I want to thank everyone for your prayers - I'm now feeling like myself again - God heard your cries and answered - thank you!

There was a Scottish author and preacher George Matheson (1842-1906), who was born blind, expressed this prayer; "I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my 'thorn'.... Teach me the glory of my cross; teach me the value of my 'thorn'.  Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain, show me that my tears have made my rainbow (taken from a Study Book)."  As I continue to surrender all of myself to the Lord I'm trying to remember that He is working in everything to accomplish the ultimate good, this way I too can thank Him even when I've been pierced by "thorns".

Wednesday, February 5th, I visited the U.S. Embassy in Nairobi, Kenya.  Rosy, who is hosting me, is a volunteer for HCI-K and the Director of Programmes, said I need to first call the Embassy.  I looked up the phone number.  They prayed God please give me a person of integrity and someone who would be willing to listen.  I dialed the US Embassy, and explained to the operator who I was and we wanted to help bring industry into the country by building and manufacturing manual wheelchairs - who would I speak to for some assistance?  The operator said please hold for Tobias Otieno, who is in the Commercial Division.  As Tobias got on the line I greeted him and said my name is Toby, which is derived also from Tobias (small world).  We just laughed at how God brought us "Toby's" together.  I explained to Tobias that I was in a car wanting to come to the Embassy and speak to him.  He said to come and he would meet with me.  Thirty minutes later we found ourselves being interrogated by the Kenya police at the US Embassy.  I explained to the officer we had a meeting with Tobias Otieno.  The officer said ok and they moved the police truck so we could pass through.  As we drove around the different barricades another officer approached our vehicle and said he would call Tobias and we were to wait in the parking lot.  About ten minutes later Tobias greeted us at the vehicle.  He asked for my passport I surrendered it to him with Rosie's drivers license.  He said to wait in the car until we had clearance to proceed through another gate by foot.  As Rosy and I patiently waited for clearance we watched as other vehicles and trucks were pulled over and the officers were checking every part of the vehicle, just in case a bomb or explosives were attached.  It took about two to four minutes to inspect each vehicle.  As we watched the inspection Tobias came to our vehicle said we should follow him.  We went into a small building, just like when you go to the airport metal detectors.  They pushed me through and x-rayed our purses.  The police officer asked me if I had any ID, so I gave him my military ID card.  The officer said why didn't I show this earlier, I explained no one asked me for this, just my passport.  The police apologized to me for inconveniencing us and asking so many questions.  I said no problem - but God bless the military for my ID card.  I was pushed thru a back door where I was given another temporary ID card.  We took the elevator to another floor where I met Rosy and Tobias.  Tobias and his assistant, Humphrey pulled up a chair and we began the meeting. 

I can't thank God enough for getting to meet Tobias and Humphrey-what an answer to prayer.  They gave me great insight on how to register our Wheels of Love ministry in Kenya and gave me a detailed chain of command to follow.  They were very supportive of WOL coming and opening a Wheels of Love Wheelchair Distribution and Training Center in Kenya.  The suggestion I loved, because they were honest "associate with people of integrity", and pray that God would only surround us with His children of integrity.

Though there have been incredible trials of suffering during these past weeks.  I truly praise God for being pierced by "thorns".  Because of the thorns, my sickness, it has allowed me to take time for prayer.  Through this time of prayer I have felt God's peace and presence.  I can only say that the meeting with the U. S. Embassy was a GOD THING!  Thank you God for "thorns"!

NO INSTANT RESULTS

On the streets of Nairobi I’m learning to wait and move. 

 February 11, 2003

Jambo (Hi), from the breath-taking city of Nairobi, Kenya!  This morning I'm reminded of a song by Ron Kenoly, "Sing out the Lord is near" I can truly say the Lord is near - especially this Saturday. 

This past Saturday I attended a farewell luncheon for some staff at Homeless Children International-Kenya (HCI-K). After the lunch I went back to the computer to do some last minute typing for Teacher Ernest. Ernest works with the girl’s orphanage in Oloitoktok (LTK). By six in the evening I finished all my typing commitments and was waiting on Rosy to take me home.  

I had scheduled for Rosy to pick me up around six-thirty in the evening.  One of the girls from LTK, was also waiting with me. I kept thinking please Rosy come; I really needed to get home.  As I started to get impatient-I was reminded how in the states people are pretty punctual.  Even though I desired instant results (I’ll do it on my own) I felt Carol (this is not her name) and I could make it back to Rosie’s home on our own. I told Carol to grab her bag - we're going to Rosie’s.  With a surprised look she did as I asked.  Then we were off.

Every time I’ve come to Kenya, almost ninety-nine percent of my visual experiences come from the front seat of the car. This time I wanted to walk with other Kenyans and do what they do. Carol and I headed off and we decided to take the scenic route.  Mind you we left the office a little before seven in the evening. 

Even though I was concerned about Rosy I felt comfortable to leave.  As we journeyed into the streets of Nairobi I knew going on my own would give me a chance to experience what other disabled Kenyans have to endure to get to and fro.  I prayed to have the opportunity to see the Kenyan who rode the streets in her wheelchair.  For the past three years I've had the privilege of ministering in Nairobi, Kenya and have only seen this woman from a vehicle. Her wheelchair is designed like a "trike-bike" (kind of like the one to the right).  

Because her legs don't work, probably from polio, she propels the chair by using her hands to pedal the chair.  After about ten minutes of pushing I got to see my friend. I was heading North on the highway she was heading South.  As we passed each other I greeted her: Sasa (how are you)? She replied: Missori (fine)! I immediately felt an instant sense of friendship. I can only hope that one day we will actually meet and talk. I had to remember at this one moment you couldn’t always have instant results. This experience was a good reminder to me though I often desire immediate results in my walk of faith; I have to remember not everything is instant.

We're now almost thirty minutes of non-stop pushing down the highway.  Then we decided to head back to the dirt path the other Kenyans took by foot.  Though some areas were covered with sinking mud and debris I knew it would be better than being too close to the nighttime traffic.  Within a minute we were stuck in a ditch.  No matter what way we turned we could not get out of the hole.   In fear the wheelchair would tip over I prayed: "God it's quickly getting dark and the light is skipping right past us, please help us to get back home!"  Just as I finished praying two young men came over and said, "Please, we can help"? Immediately Carol, my daughter, stated NO I will push my mum. I explained to Carol that these men were an answer to prayer.  Please let them go ahead and push me. 

As the two young men took turns pushing I discovered one man’s name was John, who is eighteen and Kalli, who was nineteen.  They shared with me they live in the slums of Kiberia.  I asked if either of them attended church.  They replied no, which kind of shocked me. I expected most Kenyans go to church. Then John asked me if I was a Christian, I said yes.  As we got closer to Rosie’s home I asked the men if you died tomorrow-do you know for sure you would go to heaven to be with Jesus.  They said no, BUT they wanted to know.  They said, "how do we be with Jesus in Heaven when we die?"  I told them when we get to Rosie’s house I would explain to them how to know. 

In most poverty stricken areas there're no streetlights. As the young men pushed me in the darkness of night all I could see around me was blackness.  Though I could not see anything I did feel completely safe.  After more than hour of pushing, the crowning moment of the night was hearing these two young men accept Christ as their personal Savior.  Praise God and rejoice for these young Brothers-in-Christ.  

Since there are no instant results even though I might demand them.  I will keep practicing God's instructions as I walk or roll patiently by faith toward the crown of all He has promised. May God richly bless you for your prayers and remember, “there are no instant results!”

NOT ENOUGH TRUST

My Journey To Oloitoktok (LTK) By Calypso Bus

February 14, 2003

This past week started quite different than the rest.  I was troubled.   During my time of illness I had not finished my commitments in Oloitoktok (LTK).  I knew John High, the Director from Homeless Children International-Kenya (HCI-K), was coming up on Friday, February 14^th to LTK. So I asked him if I could ride down with them.  Unfortunately, it wasn't possible for me to go on this trip.  In the midst of my frustration I was challenged to put my trust in God.  Realizing sometimes trusting in human beings can end in despair I decided to venture out on my own.  The lesson God was reminding me of: never trust anything but the grace of God in myself or in anyone else. 

So I trusted God.  I knew I needed to be obedient to what He had called me to do-no matter what the cost.  After much prayer, I thought why not just take the bus? This was my third mission trip to Kenya.  Knowing we want to serve in Kenya, but I still hadn't experienced a bus ride from Nairobi to LTK.  I had some reserves because it would be four to five hours by myself, and what if I had to go to the chooe (toilet), I would have no one to help me.   But I was reminded obedience is better than sacrifice.  You can only imagine, I did have lots of help, but never had to go to the chooe-Praise God!

As we drove through the area of town to catch the bus, Rosy was sharing with me it was a very dangerous area.  It really didn't hit me until we arrived there.  I immediately removed my watch.  I didn't want to tempt anyone.  We parked the car, and another brother helped to take the wheelchair out, and then proceeded to open my car door.  You literally could not bring the wheelchair to the door, because you would have had to climb over a pile of rubbage about one foot high.  Now picture this.  The area of town we were in reminded me of downtown New York City.  Little small shops right on top of each other and literally hundreds of Kenyans all around.  I was the only "white" person in the area.  As we headed quickly to the bus many Kenyans were saying, "how are you madam?"  There was so much chaos, I said I'm fine, but we need some help.  That was the wrong question to ask, especially in a country where there is so much poverty.  Within a second we had many offers.  So I decided to ask the strongest person.  We asked another man to help me climb into the bus, called the Calypso Rama.  As one young man pulled me up, another stayed behind to put their arms around my waist to lift me up.  Within seconds of being seated I saw some "hawkers" eyeing my wedding band.  After Barrack had put my wheelchair on top of the bus I quickly slipped off my ring and asked him to keep it until my return.  By God's grace I was in and I prayed while Rosy headed back to her car.  Rosy was right, it was a dangerous area, but by God's grace we survived without any incident. 

There was only one disappointing moment.  That was seeing first hand the corruption that had truly invaded every piece of fabric in the Kenya society.  Later on I was asked to show my receipt.  When I purchased the ticket they said it would be 450 Kenyan Schillings (KSH).  When I gave the man my receipt I discovered it read 350ksh.  I had just been robbed and there was nothing I could do.  Getting mad wouldn't change the situation so I just prayed for the man to receive Christ.  It's very unfortunate and sad to see so much meanness and a lack of trust within so many people.  Until the Kenyan society can sew the seams of injustice and corruption back together again, many people will suffer because of a few selfish ones.  This reminded me of how even sometimes as Christians we can become so upset.  It seems some of us spend so much time condemning our enemies rather than praying for them or showing love to them, that we lose our spiritual credibility.  Dear Heavenly Father help me to remember this always. 

I continued on my journey.  I spent the next five hours singing and praising God for allowing me to experience how some Kenyans have to travel.  I met one father with his daughter on the bus.  He was very nice to me and it appeared as though he was watching out for me.  When people tried to sit in my seat he would speak up.  I don't know what he said in Kiswahili all I noticed is they would leave.  Later on I heard a loud boom and realized we had a flat tire.  All the people left the bus.  I thought they were getting out so it would be easier to change the tire.  Many of them got out to use the bushes to go to the bathroom.  I was so embarrassed so I looked the other way.  To them this was normal so I tried not to show any facial expressions.  Though I was cramped and inconvenienced in every way; I felt privileged to see how Kenyans had to travel. 

I finally arrived in LTK around four-thirty in the evening.  Two young men offered and assisted me down the stairs.  They pushed me to the gate at the girl's orphanage.  I had been praying one of the girls would see that it was Mum Toby getting off the bus and would come to assist me.  Actually one of the volunteers from Washington noticed me and assisted me into the main house.  As I watched the Calypso pull away I could not help but be reminded of what Jesus expects from us.  Jesus expects us to stand out from the world by letting our "light so shine before men, that they may see (our) good works and glorify our Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). I believe one way we live that out is by obeying His command to love our enemies.  Thank you father for the privilege of being your light!  

(A poem that blessed me from a Daily Bread Devotional)

It's easy to love one who loves in return,

There's no test of character, nothing to learn;

The real lesson comes when we follow Christ's call

To love those who'd rather see us take a fall.  Carbaugh

Prayer Requests:

 Pray for strength and endurance for me as I try to finish my commitments.   Pray that I would be a woman of integrity and be above the very appearance of evil at all times.  Pray as we've been under intense spiritual warfare. Pray for my financial needs as I have extended my stay till the end of February. 

THE HOPE OF CHANGE

“Can it be found in a man who lost both arms?”

February 16, 2003

Wednesdays are market days here in Kenya.  Which means all the ‘hawkers’ (sellers) would be out trying to make a living for their families.  I decided to go out with one of the brothers; we will call him ‘Charlie’, who does most of the errands.  Just to let you know a little about Charlie, I’ve met his wife and children, and have been blessed.  Their home is nothing more than a 10’ x 10’ room with some electricity.  He is a passionate family man who is content and on fire for the Lord. He loves his family and would truly lay down his life for you or anyone else.  And that is why I love going to do errands with ‘Charlie’.

It’s about nine in the morning what a beautiful day it is in Nairobi.  I was quite excited to get out of the house for a day.  The three years I’ve had the privilege to serve in Kenya I had never been out on ‘market’ day.  We started heading toward town and Charlie was sharing with me that when President Moi was in power they didn’t have the sellers.  Since President Kibaki has come into power, he has allowed for a short time the sellers to be permitted to sell.  Until the president comes up with an official plan on what to do about the ‘hawkers’; it was refreshing to see these Kenyans working hard to make an honest living for their families.

After making several stops and trying to safely go through traffic, we quickly pulled into a shop (kind of like our grocery stores).  Charlie pushed me into the store.  I really had nothing I needed to buy.  I just wanted to see how other Kenyans shop.  After we had completed our grocery list we headed back to the vehicle.  As the Kenyans loaded up the car, I carefully watched this young Kenyan man as he struggled to pick up a jacket from the ground with his two metal prongs for hands.  He was very tall and slender in appearance, his face quite sunken in, but there was a sign of hope written on his face.

I wanted to talk to the man to know what happened to him.  I sent Charlie to ask him if he would come over and talk to me.  As Charlie went to get him my heart was beating quite fast.  At this moment I knew for sure this was my calling, ministering to the disabled-what a privilege.  This young man came over and introduced himself as ‘Job’ (this was not his real name).  God used this man to confirm for me once again why God was molding us, Wheels of Love (WOL), to come and serve full time in Kenya.  As I went to shake his hands (the two steel metal prongs), Job just let out this big smile.  Like no one had ever shaken his hand before.  I told him my name was Toby and was wondering what happen to him.  Job said nine months prior, while a passenger in a vehicle he was in an accident.  The car he was in caught on fire and his arms and hands were burnt beyond repair.  They surgically removed his arm all the way up past his elbow.  I asked Job if he was a Christian and he said yes, he fellowshipped at a nearby church, I wish I could remember the name.  Job said the hardest challenge was raising the 70,000 KSh (Kenya Schillings), which is equivalent to about $1,000.00 USD, so he could still have the use of his arms and hands.  By God’s grace the funds were raised and that is how he got the two prosthetic arms and metal prongs for hands.  Even though I could sense his hurt and his struggles, I also knew that God had a purpose for his sufferings, and He is faithful!

As I thought about what he was sharing with me-I could see how God was changing this young person (this lump of clay) into His image, because that is His specialty.  He’s not making us to look like physically like Jesus - but inwardly.  Our characters, our patience, our gentleness, our goodness, are all inward facets to His image that He’s molding us into.  As I listened to Job I was reminded how God’s committed to changing our lives to the inner character of His Son-and I praise God for that!  When Job left I felt a warm and refreshing thought of how growth can be a good thing    even in the mist of losing both arms.  Though not always welcomed but definitely needed.

As I have laughed and cried with the Kenyan people and listened to their struggles and the valleys of despair they have climbed through, I’ve tried to search for reasons why they hang on?  After much thought and prayer, I’ve realized they're the same as you and me, they’re holding onto 'the hope of change'.  So praise God what He starts, He shall also finish!

LIVING WITHOUT HOPE

“The Faces Of Many People In Kenya!”

February 25, 2003

As I continue to serve in Kenya I’ve seen many different faces, some up close and many from a distance.  Due to my disability and lack of access for wheelchairs in Kenya, most of the people’s faces I’ve seen are from the passenger’s side of the vehicle.  While looking at someone’s face have you ever noticed his or her loneliness?  Or have you seen the deep lack of hope that stares right back at you?  When you look the next time, look closely because someone might be struggling or living without hope.  While sitting in the vehicle sometimes I just wanted to ask the driver to pull over, jump out and go share Jesus with them-so they can have hope.  Because that was not a reality as I passed by I pray that they will one day know Jesus as their Savior – The one and only true hope!

I don’t think I’ve ever looked so closely at peoples faces before than during my mission trip this year.  I’ve been blessed to meet new and wonderful people who are serving The Lord in different ministries.  My biggest surprise was to find out that for many Kenyans, the face they turn to for ‘hope’ are muzungus (white) people, instead of God.  I say this very cautiously, because not ALL Kenyans think this way.  You might ask how do I know.  Let me explain. 

One day while resting at the house I visited with a beautiful young Kenyan, we will call ‘Rachel’.  Rachel had lived with an abusive husband and was now trying to make it on her own.  As I tried to comfort this young sister my heart ached, especially since I grew up with an abusive father.  So in complete innocence I shared with her that Rick and I have a passion to start making manual wheelchairs in Kenya in about two years.  Then I said, maybe if God brings us you could work for us.  At this one moment I felt the only hope to give her was possibly a job but I should have put her focus back on God – “the only true hope”.  This was the wrong thing to say to someone “who had no hope.”  For the next two weeks I was called regularly.  Rachel wanted to know when I was departing to go back home.  I told her my departure day and she would visit me the day I was to depart.  My original date to depart came and she never showed up.  In the future when I meet such needy people I will always share with them: “put your hope and trust in God, men will always fail you, but God won’t”!  Father forgive me for being such a weak vessel. 

Through my weakness I know God will still be glorified.  I did learn however in the future when I look into a face of no hope my answer will be: “don’t put your hope in Toby or Wheels of Love (WOL) put your hope and trust in God”!   Though this was a very tough lesson to learn, I’m thankful I experienced it sooner than later.  This experience has opened my eyes to see that all around the world, though I have never seen their faces, there are people living without hope.

 If WOL can help share the love of Christ with people by building them a manual wheelchair, what better way for non-believers to see Jesus-to give them hope.  How can we go and minister and see people who need wheelchairs, and say be blessed God loves you, and walk away.  With every part of my being I’m compelled to do what God is calling us at WOL to do.  Pray with us as a ministry to seek wisdom and discernment as we see there are literally millions who are in need of a chair.